When I was growing up I loved pretty much anything to do with monsters and magic, whether it was watching Dungeons & Dragons or Paul Daniels, so when I started to hear people raving on about Harry Potter my eyebrow raised in interest. I didn’t run down to the nearest waterstones, to grab a copy of The Philosophers Stone (or the Sorcerers stone as its known in America, because apparently not enough of them know what a philosopher is, which frankly isn’t hard to believe). I slowly began to take more and more notice, until one day I spied a copy just sitting there on the table at home, don’t know who it belonged to, I picked it up and started reading, and must have read the first five or six chapters, and quite enjoyed it. The next day some friends and I went to see the film, the release of which was one of the thinks that helped to peak my interest.
I never touched that book again, the movie version was awful. The children, all of them, with no exception, are dreadful. The collective acting is so wooden you’d think the film was made by MFI as some elaborate advertising campaign. Luckily when J K Rowling sold the rights to Warner Bros, she added the condition that all British characters had to be played by British actors, with the same rule applying to any European characters. If she hadn’t we could have ended up with Matt La Blanc as Dumbledore, okay so I have know idea if that was ever a casting choice, but face it Hollywood you do have a disastrous track record for adaptations, no matter the original medium. Hollywood looks at its hand of movie top trumps and slams down Pride & Prejudice. Very good Hollywood, but its very difficult to destroy a adaptation like that, even for you. But given we’re playing disaster trumps its a low score. The problem that now faces me, is not that its difficult to beat Hollywood’s card, its that I’m spoiled for choice, I could go with a television adaptation like Yogi Bear, G.I.Joe Rise of Cobra, or Miami Vice, but keepin the La Blanc theme I’m going with Lost in Space. In no time at all Hollywood counters with Transformers, good call Hollywood, but like I said I’m Spoiled for choice, this time I’m going with the grail of rubbish adapts, the world of video games. We have Mario Bros, Double Dragon, but whats this, yeah Hollywood that’s right Streetfighter: The Legend of Chun-Li, and that’s top trump bitch!!
Sorry where was I.. That’s right Harry Potter and the Disappointing Franchise. But to their credit Radcliffe and his fellow ilk seem to have taken some acting lessons over the summer holidays, as their acting does get better as we get to The Chamber of Secrets, and then again as we get to Harry Potter and the embarrassing erection, or whatever its called. The films do get better, but not by much.
But as the franchise went on the list of British acting cream mixed into this movie cake increased, starting with Richard Griffiths, John Cleese, John Hurt, Maggie Smith, Julie Walters, Mark Williams, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman and the late Richard Harris. Then later we get lashings of Brendan Gleeson, Helena Bonham Carter, Gary Oldman, David Thewlis, Timothy Spall, Jim Broadbent, Imelda Staunton, Emma Thompson, Kenneth Branagh, Ralph Fiennes and Michael Gambon replacing Richard Harris. Not to take anything away from Harris, but Gambon’s Dumbledore is much better. Harris’s version has old and wise down, but Gambon has presence and authority, while still coming across as kindly and though not seeming as old as Harris he also doesn’t look as frail either. Basically Harris looks like a wizard, Gambon IS a wizard.
As the years have rolled on I’ve been made to watch the various instalments, either on DVD or in the cinema. Although the films have gotten better as the series has progressed, Half Blood Prince aside, I’d still never gotten into the wizards corner. My main problem with the films is that they seem rushed, trying to cram as much in as possible, with numerous moments that seem pointless and other moments you wished they’d expanded upon, but then that is the nature of the book adaptation and usually accompanies that line that every self-respecting moviegoer hates “well its not as good as the book”. Then a couple of weeks ago the future Mrs Lazertooth insisted we watch the previous instalments before she dragged me to watch Deathly Hallows part 2, and in the space of 2 weeks I watched all eight movies, at one point watching two and a half in one day (a lazy Sunday) . After almost ten years of telling anyone who would listen how rubbish I thought Potter was, I found my self, I’m almost ashamed to say, actually getting quite into it, much like I had a decade ago with those first chapters.
It helps that Death Hallows part 2 is essentially one big climax spurting all over the screen, a pay-off that makes that last 18 hours worth it. As well as Voldermort being a villain to rival Darth Vader (controversial)
Now I haven’t done a complete U-turn, I still don’t think its the greatest franchise, the first film is still shit and the epilogue of Death Hallows part 2 is horrendous , but if you watch it like I did, more like a TV series you’ve just gotten on DVD and caned through, watching numerous episodes in a single sitting, then the films work, all those bits that seemed pointless don’t seem so bad, you realise that some of them are quite important just not at that point in the Potter timeline, its like watching the Eastenders omnibus if Phil Mitchell was a wizard.
And that was how Harry Potter raped my grey matter; he snuck into my head like some prepubescent mind ninja, held down my brain and penetrated it with his wand, Expelliarmusing into my cerebral cortex.
So chapter seven was it...
