When I was a boy if you weren’t running around with a severed tree branch, holding it aloft shouting “I have the powweerrr” or alternatively “Thunder, Thunder...” you were pretending everything was okay, and your uncle only touched you because... failing that you were Optimus Prime saving the world from the evil Megatron or your best friend Billy posing as a 20ft killer robot.
Transformers for anyone who hasn’t been a child in the last thirty years, started off as a range of toys that combined the two staples of boy’s toys, cars and robots, and how’s this for a mind fuck robots that turned into cars. Amazing.
These greatest toys ever were quickly given their own series, with the view to make sure that every kid wanted one of these greatest toys ever, wait a minute there’s an almost infinite supply of characters to collect...bastards.
The TV series quickly led to a movie, and what a movie, I remember the physical act of going to the cinema to see it, though I don’t remember the film itself, it may well have been the first film I saw at the cinema, if not Transformers: The Movie then it was Gobots: The Battle of the Rock Lords which came out the same year, but I’m not sure which was first and Wikipedia was no help. but for arguments sake and easier assimilation into this ramble we’ll say it was Transformers, a film which I unashamedly will name as one of my top five movies of all time, there I’ve said it. I love literally everything about it, its a film I’ve seen so many times, both through childhood and my adult life, from the first time I watched it on video and cried at the death of Optimus Prime to the last time I watched it drunk at four in the morning, passing out around the birth of Galvatron. It’s a film I no longer have to watch, I can pretty much just play it in my head. Amazing animation, brilliantly written, superb 80’s rock soundtrack and featuring the voice talents of what was considered in 1986 a stellar cast, brat packer Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Robert Stack, Eric Idle and the last ever film role of cinematic Shakespeare Orson Welles.
As well as the series and film, there were comics, both an American and a British comic, which I used to get every week, and every day would go to school clutching my Transformers lunch box. So to summarise Transformers was huge and I was a fan.
So being such a fan, I was excited by the prospect of a live action film... then finding out that Steven Spielberg was involved, even though I’ve never liked all his work, I hate both E.T and Jurassic Park. But with him involved it’s gonna have some clout....whats that movieland he’s only producing, that’s fine, he’s got an even better record in that field than he does as a director. But as Movieland nods his head in agreement, Joe Public shakes his and gives what can only be described as the “what shit you be talking” face, subsequently slapping Jonny Lazertooth in the face with his glove (does it worry anyone else that I’ve created an alter ego, and not only that but I’ve started to refer to him in the third person). Well Mr. Public I except your challenge...Spielberg produced: The Back to the Future Trilogy, The Goonies, Gremlins 1 & 2, Innerspace, An American Tail, Land Before Time, Batteries not included, Who framed Roger Rabbit? Ok that’s enough listing, challenge won, trophy raised.
Then after the Spielberg slight of hand, Movieland shouts Alakazam!! and pulls Michael Bay out of his hat. Bay started out, like many, making music videos, later moving into films with some brilliant action movies, a la Bad Boys and The Rock. With his movie teeth cut he went bigger, and bigger with Armageddon and then Pearl Harbour. So a man with a portfolio full of high quality action and ridiculous spectacle would be perfect to direct Transformers, and he was. The first Transformers was everything you could have wanted from a live action movie, and it was a massive success, hence two sequels.
Unfortunately this is where it all started to go a little wrong. The first film had just a hand full of Autobots and Decepticons, and this allowed you to get to the know the characters, allowed you to cheer on Optimus and the others, when any of the Decepticons turned up there was a genuine feel of fret, you got to care about all the characters, making the moment Megatron kills Jazz an actual shock. But the first follow up, Revenge of the sequel (sorry, Fallen), overloaded us with transformers, barely getting to know what they look like, let alone their names. Then as quickly as they’re introduced, the robot hordes are all turned to scrap and you really couldn’t care less. The other main problems with the sequel is the Jar Jar Binks of Transformers is the twin annoyance of Skids & Mudflap, coupled with the over reliance on the human story.
And then there’s the brand new shiny sequel, Dark of the Moon. Which for the record I liked; it’s not as good as the first, but a damned sight better than the last. But what did I like about it I here you ask?
Firstly the idea to weave a historic event like the moon landings into the story, not only helps to ground it in reality, but also gives an interesting alternative history...plus its cool. Yes its something we’ve kinda seen before in the first film, when we learnt Sam’s great-grandfather had discovered Megatron at the Arctic circle, but that was obviously all fiction, though again it allowed the film to great its own alternative history. That and an appearance from real life astronaut Buzz Aldrin.
Secondly, which scored big points for a fan boy like me, was not just the inclusion of the character of Sentinel Prime, but the return of Leonard Nimoy, who as well as providing the voice for Sentinel Prime, did so in the original movie for Galavtron. Okay so that’s not much of a judgement on the film itself, but like the inclusion of the moon landings is pretty cool, in the same way it was cool that Peter Cullen provides the voice for the Optimus after doing so in the original series and film.
It does have its down sides I’m not going to lie, much like Revenge of the Fallen there’s far too much focus on the humans and not enough on the Transformers themselves, though not quite as much as in Fallen, and although the previous films both went well over the two hour mark, Dark of the Moon seems a bit over long, some of the fat could definitely have been trimmed.
